You could be married right now if you wanted to be.
I don’t care who you are or how many dates you you’ve been on, if you wanted to get married tomorrow, you could. If you wanted to get married back then you were 18, you could have. Someone in this world would happily marry you for your looks, your money, your status, or simply to get a green card. So if you’re single, you have CHOSEN to be single. You are constantly choosing to have that life every day. I’m not scolding you, I’m just trying to remind you that you don’t just want to be married, you want to be happily married and too often we forget that there is a difference.
You should want to marry your best friend. You should want to be so happy on the day of your wedding that your cheeks ache from smiling so much. You should want to run up to strangers on the street just to tell them how much you love and adore that person and you shouldn’t be able to imagine your life without them.
You don’t get married for the diamond ring, or for the party, or for the tax exemptions, you get married because you want to live your life with that person forever. Not for the next few years or until you disagree on something big or until the money runs dry–but for forever.
You have chosen to be single. Take joy in that. Take joy in the fact that you are waiting to find your best friend to marry and you won’t settle for just a pretty face or a big bank account. Celebrate that.
I’m tired of all the complaining and whining from so many unmarried friends. Being single doesn’t have to be lackluster or boring. Your life shouldn’t start at marriage. Problems don’t go away and life doesn’t turn into rainbows and pots of gold as soon as you exchange rings. Enjoy every phase of your life, even the single phase. Because one day, you will get married–one day I will get married. I’m excited for that day to come, but I’ll enjoy each day until it happens because life is too beautiful to waste it whining.
Lizzy, this was fantastic. I hope you’ll induldge me as I add my voice to yours and state that I enjoy my life as a single person very much.
Everyday is a good day for me because I am getting closer to the other things I want to accomplish in my life outside of marriage. I keep an eye out and still make the time, even in my busy schedule to go on dates because I know one day I will be blindsided by that someone whom I have been preparing for, who has been searching for me, and that once we are together we will accomplish more great things both individually and as a team than we could have thought possible. It is because I love this unknown person so much that I face and fight my battles today with such vigour. Knowing that this time I have as a bachelor is for preparing myself to one day be that other pillar alongside her in a marriage that will hold up my future family. But in order to do that the foundations of both pillars must be solid. Whining and focusing on the past is poison and contagious. Don’t let past choices/regrets hold you in the past. Just look upon them as the learning opportunity that they are. Ask yourself the question: if you can’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of another? Again Lizzy you stated it all beautifully and I hope others will read this, understand it, and share it with others. Thank you.
I can totally agree with you. Yo are so funny that you said there are people out there want to marry for reasons. As a 20-something-unmarried-Chinese girl with green card, there are so may Chinese international students want to date me. I am not sure they want me for green card or just like. When I have relationship I really want to be deeply in love and serious, not for a green card or any reason. I believe 99% of marry on PURPOSE fails. Marriage should ONLY happen for love because why two related people can stick together for the rest of their lives if it was not for love? I am staying single because I have not find someone I can TRULY fall for. My life also has been busy with work, study, friends, and family, so I probably do not have time to date, yet.
By the way, how do you think about “open relationship”? You know some people have no-strings-attached and friends-with-benefit relationship. I do NOT like that. I don’t know why people desperately want intimacy and do not want responsibility and attachment? I think people can either choose to stay 100% single or 100% in a relationship/married, nothing in between. What do you think?
Typo:
there are so MANY Chinese international students want to date me.
why two UN-related people can stick together for the rest of their lives if it was not for love?
Amen, Amen Lizzy! I married my best friend 25 years ago and life was filled with joy and happiness. After losing two children, our world came crashing down 20 years ago and our marriage ended while we were grieving quite differently. After many years of prayer, grief-couseling, and belief, we re-married two years ago. I am again married to my best friend, and although life will never be as it was, there is joy and happiness again. PS I made your best banana bread, pumpkin cream-cheese bread, apple-cinnamon muffins and orange muffins with cream-cheese frosting and pecans for a special event being held at my daughter’s high school this morning. As always, they were a BIG hit :-)!!!! I share your website constantly.
Love it! I was that bride almost 13 years ago whose cheeks hurt after our wedding from smiling so much!! I still have 30-something friends who just want to get married, they don’t care to whom, just to say they’re married. And I also have a few who did that, and, need I say they’re single again… Divorced. So yes, embrace single hood!! Marriage, a GOOD, solid marriage is hard work!! If you’re not in it full-on for the right reasons, it’ll never last…
Thank you. Awesome post. Validates my 30 yo daughters decision to stay single unless a really independent single guy comes along. I’m good with it. After being married 38 years to the same guy I’ve managed to be somewhat independent (glory be) and tried to teach my child that she doesn’t have to depend on anyone for happiness or success. Be your own person. And meanwhile I’m content to be grandma to some awesome dogs. I’m too young (64) to be a grandma anyhow–kids would totally mess up my retirement!!
Haha, yes yes! We can’t depend on someone else to make us happy, we need to be in a good place by ourselves first!
What a great photo! Love your hair!
Job well-done, Lizzy Mae! You sound a great philosopher!!
It makes me sad how marriage is equated to success or sometimes even worth for women in Utah. That somehow you’re unsuccessful if you haven’t married yet. I’m LDS and I don’t believe that idea comes from the Lord, but rather from our culture. I didn’t get married until I was 30, and I married the most wonderful man who makes me happy every day. But I heard, nearly daily, for 12 years, “Why aren’t you married yet?” I hated that question. I wanted them to ask me how my triathlons were going, or how work was going, or what I was doing in general, but the first question was always, “Are you dating anyone?” I remind myself of that every time I talk to a single friend.
you’re exactly right. you shouldn’t go out looking for someone because then you will only settle. you should wait until that person finds their way to you. 🙂
you are awesome. I couldn’t have said it better myself! All you ladies in singles wards across America (and the rest of the big wide world) stop complaining!! like she said 🙂 ENJOY LIFE.
Lizzy,
YES girl. I love it – sometimes we need to be reminded of all the freedoms and benefits of this stage of life. I would not be able to bake/blog as much, or spend as much time with friends if I was married. There is such beauty in contentment. You are right – being married will not solve our life’s problems, it won’t even give us contentment. We will always be wanting the “next” thing – whatever that may be. It’s a constant struggle, but we can have a full life – in every stage of life. Thank you for sharing this.
Great message, and I agree 100%, be married to the love of your life or not married at all, but I would change the title; “Single? Stop complaining because you could be married” seems like you are telling people marriage is horrible. I would change it to something like; “Single? Stop complaining because you could be unhappily married.” But other than that, great post.
Thanks Lizzie.
God Bless You & your day.
I LOVE the headshot! You’re so grown up since the first picnic ‘about’ photo!! 🙂
Cathy
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Ask yourself the question: if you can’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of another? Again Lizzy you stated it all beautifully and I hope others will read this, understand it, and share it with others. Thank you. Well-done, Lizzy Mae! You sound a great philosopher!!
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