I learned to write when I was 17.
I hated writing papers in high school. I felt like there was no way to win, the teacher just graded it how they wanted to. It’s not like math where there’s a right and a wrong answer—it’s personalized and biased. It never seemed fair. I always got my A in the class thanks to tests and other assignments so I didn’t mind too much. But when college application essays came around I wanted to do it right. I wanted to show the admissions board who I really was and the only way to do that was through an essay.
But I didn’t know how to write.
Mr. Dickinson was the new Senior English teacher at school, but I had another teacher and never met Mr. Dickinson. Everyone was saying he was impossibly amazing in every way so I thought I’d take a chance and wander down the hall to see him.
Even now I remember feeling so ridiculous. What was I going to do? Walk up to him and be like “Hey, teach me how to write… please.” What 17-year-old kid does that? Me, I guess.
I walked into his room and said “You don’t know me but—“
“Lizzy, right?” He cut me off. “ASB? Makes the cookies and muffins?”
“Yeah. That’s me.” I guess that’s what happens when you go to a small school and shove every last extra curricular into your schedule and show up with baked goods every day for 2 years. But I was still shocked he knew my name since he’d only been here a few weeks.
“What can I do for you?” He asked.
“I’m trying to write my college essay and I’m a terrible writer…” I trailed off into murmurings because I still couldn’t believe I was doing this.
Without hesitation and with a strange sense of confidence he said, “Hold on.” He got up from his desk and looked through the piles of books on his shelf. He pulled out one with a bookmark and handed it to me. “Read this.”
I read.
And everything changed.
It was a poem by Charles Bukowski. Every time I sit down to write a letter, a story, a note, anything that means anything, the lines of that poem roll through my head.
I was a senior in high school. I’ve had writing classes since Kindergarten, learned grammar, spelling, formatting, all the other basics and always got A’s in the end. But no one taught me until that moment how to really write. Yeah, I could string words together on the page, I could identify the nouns and adjectives but I didn’t know how to make an impact with any of it. It took a man who wasn’t even my teacher, a man I never would have met unless I had sought him out that day to teach me this lesson that changed everything. Now of course, I thank Mr. Bukowski as well for his words he put to paper, but Mr. Dickinson was the messenger. He’s the one who put the poem in the my hands and told me to read.
Am I a perfect writer? No. Does everyone love my writing style? No way. But I do have a voice now, and that’s all that really matters. Because without a voice behind the words, it’s just black and white marks on the screen and we all want to be more than that.
—
“so you want to be a writer?” By Charles Bukowski
if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.
if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.
don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.
when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in
you.
there is no other way.
and there never was.
Ashton says
Seriously such a great post Lizzy! And I’m so glad you shared this poem. Writing is seriously the hardest part of blogging for me, and this is the perfect reminder of how it should really be done 🙂
Karissa @ Sweet as a Cookie says
I seriously love this so much. I have about 10 recipe posts photographed and ready to share with the world but I never know what to say. It’s the only part of blogging I feel like I really struggle with. Thank you for sharing this 🙂
Julia MacMonagle says
Lizzy, I’m printing this and sticking it on my board. Roaring out of your soul like a rocket–sometimes it feels just like that. Your part about not everyone liking your writing–but that the most important part is that you now have a voice…sigh. YES YES YES! It’s THE thing isn’t it? Speak your heart and you’ll never go wrong. I found your site after I wrote this post and then had to laugh when I read your “about” page. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one baking cupcakes with ulterior motives 😉 Your are a welcome addition to my blog list! http://www.thewhitehorsewhispers.blogspot.com/2014/01/hithere.html
Mary says
I really loved this Lizzy – thanks for sharing. I’ve been told by many that I should write a book about my life. It would definitely be about hope and belief after losing two teenage sons and fighting breast cancer. I read this poem, a few times, and I know I am not ready. I’m going to print it and keep it in my desk drawer to remind me when and if it’s time. Mary
Lizzy Mae Early says
It sounds like your book would be quite inspiring, Mary. I hope one day it “roars out of you” and onto the shelf where I can buy it 🙂
Mary says
Thanks Lizzy. BTW.. I made your Strawberry White Chocolate Cupcakes yesterday as a Valentine treat while visiting my Oncology Office. Oh My! They were quite the hit :). I continue to love your cookbook and all your recipes. My 15 yr old daughter, Angel, also bakes many of your cupcakes too!
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Janis Munroe says
I love that so much. I wanted to be a writer since I was a kid. I even took a course once but to see my words, critisized in red, hurt too much. I thought that I didn’t have what it took if I couldn’t be corrected without being in pain. I stopped writing. But every once in a while, something would burst forth and demand to be written down. I have always obeyed that. My husband races cars and in my passion for him and the sport, I began to write about our division of racing. People would tell me they loved the articles because “who else in racing talks about what they had at the BBQ after the race” etc. The stories tell themselves, the boring details were included at the end. The hard facts and details and who finished where, but the story of the night, THAT is what needed to be told. As time went by and things grew, it became a DEMAND to write, publicize, market etc. I couldn’t do it anymore.
Writing for me has always had to come from my heart or soul. It cannot be demanded or required or I shut down and can come up with nothing.
What you wrote today, is the first time I felt like anyone GOT IT. Thank you for that. Carry on, burst forth and we will be here to read it. Jan
Nicole says
I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I’ve never commented here before. I just wanted to say thank you. I needed to read this.
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I’ve never seen this before. Thanks for sharing.
Terry says
Thanks for a great post,it took a lot of courage to seek out that teacher Lizzie.
Valerie H. says
Thank goodness for inspiring teachers that care! Good post!
Patty O says
You have written an EXCELLENT blog post! Thank you so much for sharing Mr. Bukowski’s poem!
I’ve been told I need a writing class….Hrmph….we’ll see. Maybe someday. But in the meantime I say my way of writing is “conversational”. Sounds good, doesn’t it?
Katy O. says
Lady,
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this all out. You are a true inspiration <3
Much love to you,
Katy O.
Aiza says
I had never come across Bukowski’s this poem and now I’m going to print it and paste it on my wall. Infinitely helpful and beautiful. Thank you so much for writing this.
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